


Incredible(y bad) Timing

by Scarcettwo



Category: Archie Comics & Related Fandoms, Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Living Together, Multi, Polyamory, Pregnancy, because i need to get out my aggression on his portrayal, family of friends, mommy kink mentioned as a joke, they're mean to kevin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 17:45:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9560093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarcettwo/pseuds/Scarcettwo
Summary: “They’re too young to marry,” Archie insisted.“Kevin is our age,” Veronica said.“Exactly,” Archie said.“We’re twenty three,” Veronica looked at him like he was crazy.“Calm down, he’s just projecting,” Jughead said, standing up. “Anyway, that’s my cue to leave.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks anon! This probably wasn't quite what you had in mind, but I hope you like it:)
> 
> "fic idea - future!au where archie, veronica, and betty are all in a ployam relationship and the girls get pregnant at the same time."

Living with friends meant that he was bound to walk in on something at some point, but it didn’t mean he had to like it. 

 

“Stop screaming,” Betty screamed. Jughead had his eyes so tightly shut he wasn’t sure he’d ever get them open again, and he finally shut his mouth. 

 

“Warn a guy,” Archie said. “Knock!”

 

“It’s the living room,” Jughead said. “The front door of the house lets people into this room. Am I supposed to knock on the door of my own home? What kind of a-”

 

“-He’s got a point,” Veronica said, cutting him off, and Jughead heard the tell-tale sound of her zipping up her dress. 

 

“Is everyone decent?” Jughead asked. 

 

“Yes,” Betty said. “Sorry Jughead.”

 

“It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it,” he managed to force his eyes open. “Come on guys, lay down a towel next time or something.”

 

Archie sputtered as Jughead left for the kitchen. 

 

“Where’s Reggie?” Jughead asked, peeking in the fridge. 

 

“Working late, remember? It’s Tuesday,” Betty said, picking up the kettle. “Why?”

 

“He drank the last of the milk and put the empty carton back in the fridge again,” Jughead said, pulling out his phone to send that asshole a text.

 

“Anyone want tea or coffee?” Betty asked, and Jughead absently shook his head.

 

Reggie didn’t respond, but if he was at work, that made sense.

 

“Jughead, did you get the mail?” Veronica asked.

 

“Sorry I forgot.”

 

“Dammit,” Veronica grumbled and knocked his hat off his head on her way out to the mailbox.

 

“So, how’s work going?” Jughead asked Archie. Archie looked up from his coffee, startled.

 

“What?” Archie said.

 

“Are you high?” Jughead waved a hand in front of his face. “I haven’t seen you that out of it since your graduation.”

 

“No, I’m fine,” Archie said.

 

“Everything’s just peachy,” Betty said. She was smiling broadly. Too broadly.

 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Jughead said warily.

 

“Guys, Kevin’s getting married,” Veronica waved an envelope in the air, butting in before Betty could speak.

 

“Let me guess, his fiance is white, cis, gay, and in very good shape,” Jughead drawled.

 

“Be nice,” Betty scolded, smacking his hands with her spoon.

 

“Sure thing mom,” Jughead stuck out his tongue.

 

“Nah, he’s right,” Veronica said, brandishing the invitation. “Conventionally attractive, white, blonde, vaguely Captain America.”

 

“Nah, Captain America’s bisexual," Jughead corrected

 

“True,” Archie agreed. “Not Kevin’s type.”

 

Jughead and Archie exchanged uncharitable looks.

 

“Will you two be nice to Kevin,” Betty said. “He’s matured since then. It’s been eight years.”

 

“He has,” Veronica assured them.

 

“They’re too young to marry,” Archie insisted. 

 

“Kevin is our age,” Veronica said.

 

“Exactly,” Archie said.

 

“We’re twenty three,” Veronica looked at him like he was crazy.

 

“Calm down, he’s just projecting,” Jughead said, standing up. “Anyway, that’s my cue to leave.”

 

“What do you mean he’s projecting?” Betty asked.

 

“You can’t marry as a thruple. If you wanted the benefits of marriage, one of you would have to be left out,” Jughead said, as gently as he could.

 

“In Japan, businesses often adopt employees to ensure the business remains in the family,” Veronica mused. “I could adopt you two.”

 

“That takes Mommy kink to a whole other level,” Jughead said. “I’m out. You guys hash this out by yourselves-”

 

“-Sit down,” Betty demanded.

 

“Okay,” Jughead sat down.

 

“Speaking of mothers,” Betty said, and glanced nervously at Veronica.

 

“How did you know?” Veronica said.

 

“What?” Betty said.

 

“How did you know I was?”

 

“I was talking about me?"

 

“Oh no,” Archie said, slamming his head into the table and moaning into it. “Oh no oh no oh no.”

 

“What?” Jughead said.

 

“Wait,” Veronica said. “You’re also-?”

 

“Yes,” Betty said. “I am also.”

 

They stared at each other, so many emotions flickering across their faces that Jughead couldn't name a single one.

 

“What’s up bitches!” crowed Reggie, slamming open the door and strutting into the kitchen.

 

Jughead sighed. “I hate this fucking family.”

 

“I’m pregnant,” Betty said.

 

“Congrats, when’s it due?” Reggie said, giving her a hug without skipping a beat. “Hey Jughead your fucking milk is in the car. If I had to buy it, you have to get it.”

 

“You’re the one who put the empty carton back in the fridge you mother fu-”

 

“I’m pregnant,” Veronica said. Jughead held his breath. Archie finally picked up his head off the table.

 

“Isn’t it ‘we’re pregnant’ if people are having a baby?” Reggie asked. “Although that’s kind of giving too much credit to the guy. No offense Archie.”

 

“No, they’re both pregnant. At the same time,” Archie said, over-enunciating every word like he was in shock.

 

Jughead wished his soul could leave his body just to escape this conversation.

 

“Cool, twins,” Reggie said, nodding. “You should have c-sections so you can pick the date and have them both born on the same day. That’d be lit.”

 

Jughead really hated this fucking family.

  
  
  
  



End file.
